Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
