Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
