Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
