Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
