My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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