Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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