I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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