Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
