I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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