if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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