my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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