I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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