I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
