man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
