Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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