It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
