You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
