if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to calm my uterus...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
