Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize