He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
