My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
