Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize