if i can run in heels then i can drive
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca