i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.