Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

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  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (141) Good night (19635) Bad night (2221) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.

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  (952): He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened. http://tfl.nu/wacr
  Replies (28) Good night (2782) Bad night (1893) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.

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  (508): i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip. http://tfl.nu/di6e
  Replies (10) Good night (3299) Bad night (1486) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.

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  (212): You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido. http://tfl.nu/8t44
  Replies (36) Good night (1035) Bad night (5045)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  How am I a tease?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.

  (813): View more from Florida

  ONLY PART OF IT.

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  (813): How am I a tease? (1-813): Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away. (813): ONLY PART OF IT. http://tfl.nu/b7xa
  Replies (45) Good night (8231) Bad night (1449)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it

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  (732): and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it http://tfl.nu/ub7i
  Replies (15) Good night (4202) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.

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  (706): Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge. http://tfl.nu/gb8a
  Replies (29) Good night (4242) Bad night (881)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down

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  (978): if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down http://tfl.nu/hyp3
  Replies (22) Good night (697) Bad night (2991) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR

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  (604): I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR http://tfl.nu/a8v0
  Replies (15) Good night (2943) Bad night (1709) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.

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  (937): She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable. http://tfl.nu/xs8x
  Replies (10) Good night (2640) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...

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  (614): story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended... http://tfl.nu/ewnx
  Replies (1) Good night (1978) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  How did you break your hand eating pizza?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Boxes are hard to see rocks through.

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  (603): Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza. (1-603): How did you break your hand eating pizza? (603): Boxes are hard to see rocks through. http://tfl.nu/kquz
  Replies (7) Good night (2535) Bad night (681)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.

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  (407): the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much. http://tfl.nu/a71i
  Replies (1) Good night (369) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.

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  (512): With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt. http://tfl.nu/gq2z
  Replies (9) Good night (908) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon

  (310): View more from California

  Fuck you.

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  (714): Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon (310): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/u7vm
  Replies (6) Good night (1971) Bad night (397)

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