So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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