Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We left the knife in your bed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
