sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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