I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
