I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
