His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
