You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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