I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
