My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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