Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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