You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
