I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
