how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
