she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
