I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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