Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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