upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this will be a night to untag.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
