dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
