Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
