Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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