party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
