you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
