i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
