Can Purell be used as lube?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My ATM looks so different sober.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
