A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
