you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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