My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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