Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
