some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
