guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
