Pappa wants mamma naked
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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