So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
