What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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