if you like me you must not know who I am
I checked into jail on foursquare
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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