and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
