Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
