Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
A bitchslap is in order.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
