I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
