Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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