i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
