I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
