I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
